Packing Heat?

Ignoring the many jokes that could be made about this title, I’m as serious as testicular cancer now. One my friends was mugged and shot (Nonfatal, thank god) and I’m thinking carrying a gun. I don’t like guns; I know more about them then I really ever wanted to know. (Dad is retired LAPD; he has so many handguns I could probably be a walking arsenal) . Explosions and fire can be used for constructive purposes, while the purpose of guns is just to harm. Don’t get me wrong- if someone’s coming after you with murderous intent, blow his fucking head off. That’s kind of why I’m going to start carrying a 9mm. (Chill, I’ve got a license.)

 I don’t advise toting a pistol after doing this however:

You’ll need a syringe and a few bottles of pre-mixed ethanol-based beverages (booze). I used 007′s favorite… Martinis! (Shaken, not stirred of course!). This is great for parties, etc., and is guaranteed to be a big hit.
Inject your drink of choice into a few choice places around the melon (Sodium Pentathol is NOT recommended!!!).

Now pop that baby in the refrigerator for AT LEAST 1 hour. This gives the anesthesia a chance to take effect so the melon doesn’t feel a thing…
Remove from the fridge and get out your scalpel (I use the old secret knife blade in the boot technique =) and slice into sections, then cut off the rind. DON’T eat watermelon and drive!!!

“Sir, are you drunk?”

“No officer, I’m eating watermelon”

~ by John on December 7, 2007.