The Jewish Apocalypse (Don’t flame me for this)

My Jewish killjoy relatives came over today proving (Yet Again) my age-old point: Hanukkah sucks. I said it. Sue me. You light 8 small candles for Hanukkah, Christians get electricity and assloads of light bulbs; mainly so they can see the Jews NOT having fun. Have fun with that top, I’ll be playing my Xbox.

I’ve finally got the balls necessary to ask the girl of my dreams out; now all I need to do is overcome the massive gap in social status. No worries, I have a plan:

1. Watch every James Bond movie ever made.

2. Have my gay brother design my outfit. (I will, however, supervise)

3. Become the God Of Hygiene.

I think I have a problem. This list fetish cannot be healthy. Oh well, something has to kill me (I just wish it was something more manly than lists). You guys might want to know this: National Treasure: BoS pales in comparison to the original. But then again, all sequels suck to some degree. Want moar brain food? NEVER USE WD-40 ON YOUR BIKE CHAIN. I learned that the hard way hiking a few days ago.

My PVC snowball launcher was a VERY bad idea (PVC+Cold=Shrapnel), so heres a cop-out:

Ever wanted to have a nice frosty beverage but it may be “looked down upon”? Here’s an easy way to make a covert beer can. DISCLAIMER: Do not drink alcoholic beverages anywhere it is illegal! Drink responsibly. All you need is a can opener, a pair of strong scissors and and file.

First pop the top from your empty soda can and then using the can opener, cut off the entire top of the soda can. Don’t cut yourself! Using the can opener again, cut off the bottom of the can. Don’t cut yourself again. Now using your scissors (or tin snips) make a cut into the bottom of the can and then cut along the edge to remove the entire bottom of the can. Did I say don’t cut yourself? Look for the seam on the can and then cut the can in half from the bottom to the top. If you cut yourself, DIE. NOW.

Coil up the covert can cover nice and tight and slip it over the beer or other beverage and you’re done! Have fun, be safe.

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~ by John on December 23, 2007.